Dream Games — Attack on Titan
This article contains some moderate spoilers for the ongoing manga storyline. If you’re watching the animated series and want to avoid having some cool parts ruined, please read another article on this website. Or you could do something useful with your time instead.
The Fainest Glimmer of Hope
Attack on Titan is an action horror comic created by Hajime Isayama beginning in 2009 and with no end in sight. It presents the final dregs of humanity, tormented by hordes of unstoppable giants or titans, forced to carve out a meager existence behind walls for fear of being devoured by the inhuman behemoths. Humanity is barely able to fight back; they have invented “3D gear”, a system of hydraulic grappling hooks that allow them to maneuver around the titans and retractable box-cutter swords sharp enough to attack the nape of the neck, the one weak point of the otherwise unkillable titans.
I wrote an unusually positive review of Sonic Generations about a year ago, and there’s a pretty rad deal for a collection of Sonic games going on Amazon right now, and it mercifully excludes the dark ages of Sonic where no one knew what was going on. If you don’t have Adblock on, you should see an ad for it above crammed next to all the others. Ten bucks for Sonic the Hedgehog through Sonic & Knuckles is well worth it, plus you get Generations and some other cool stuff. You should go pick up this bundle.
How Mozilla and OTOY Have Made the PlayStation 4 Obsolete
I am unreasonably wary of cloud systems, a process by which information is stored online in order to be more easily accessible to the users. It allows for greater flexibility, perhaps, but you should still be wary of outages, of being spied upon, and of being shackled to a single internet service for your storage. It’s generally better to back up your stuff on a hard drive than rely on someone else. It’s not wrong to use the cloud, but at the moment it is sub-optimal, especially if you have a spotty internet connection. In theory, cloud storage is supposed to be a giant farm of servers where if one goes down, there’s thousands of others to take its place. They tell you that cloud services are always available but they go down anyway, in a big way . Amazon, Google, and many other sites have cloud systems (most visibly to consumers for backup up files or hosting websites) and there are a couple others who want a piece of that pie before it gets bigger.
Despite my gripes, there are things you can potentially do with cloud systems that you couldn’t otherwise. Sony’s upcoming PlayStation 4 console will not be able to play games from previous systems –not out of the box, anyway. Instead, they have promised to provide a service (the exact details are unknown at this time) in which their computers (in the cloud!) will run the old games and pump the audio/video to you, responding to your inputs as if you were playing it running right on your machine normally. Since it’s Sony running it, it will probably be an laggy, artifacted mess if it doesn’t in fact turn out to be just a complete pack of lies. (Maybe it can finally run Toy Story in real time. If not, Netflix already can.) Depending on your connection quality, playing PlayStation 1-3 games on your PlayStation 4 might look like you’re playing 1992′s Sewer Shark. This is the reality of streaming video today, but you’re not going to hear that, you’re going to hear about how great it is. You won’t know until you’ve bought a PS4. Sony is about as caring as malaria and as trustworthy as a politician without a gun to his head.
Indie Games That Don’t Suck: Alter Ego
Alter Ego. No, it’s not the 1986 text adventure game of the same name. It’s a 2011 puzzle platformer that involves the player controlling a stickman, his opposing ghost, and frequently switching places between them as you collect the little chits that are necessary to complete each level. The ghost (the game’s most unique mechanic and the source of its title) mirrors your avatar’s movements exactly, which means that you have to manage both your character and his simulacrum at once.
Death to Always-Online DRM
Imagine if your car wouldn’t start without an electronic leash from Ford or Toyota’s computer servers. If your mp3 player or ebook reader wouldn’t work because you were in a concrete building. If your guns wouldn’t fire because you haven’t been injected with nanomachines If your bathtub refused to pour water because no one wants to stretch cable internet wires to your obscure town in Montana or the Australian outback.
Sound ridiculous? That’s what gamers have to put up with for our hobby. The “digital rights management” (DRM) is creeping into video gaming lately, and it’s almost universally derided as stupid and selfish. Limitations like 2012’s Diablo III and the 2013 Sim City requiring a constant internet connection have resulted in frequent outages, ruined games, and lack of the promised online support. Nothing but headaches for players and game creators/maintainers both. Yet the DRM is going to keep coming regardless of what consumers think about it.
A Review of the Bundle Stars ‘Bundle #6 – Catnip’
For a change of pace I’m reviewing an indie games bundle that has more than a mayfly’s lifespan left before closing. Check out Bundle Stars for lots of cheap games; some highly enjoyable, some merely decent, some not worth your time. I sort the wheat from the chaff so you can know if your money will be well spent.
A delightful puzzle game that takes 1984’s BoulderDash and improves on it in every way. The levels are well-crafted and get challenging pretty quick; I was forced to the limits of my meager abilities after only an hour of play but still felt I should keep coming back. The best game in this bundle by a long shot.
26 Ridiculous Things People Googled to Find This Stupid Site
I uncover a lot of fascinating things when people use search engines to find my site. From people who don’t know what GameFAQs is to perverted nincompoops who think Wartune has nude skins, they file in this place literally dozens of times per day searching for video game truth. I keep a .doc file of all the funniest/stupidest/scariest searches for my amusement, and hopefully now for yours as well.
1. 14500 street fighter
I know there were a lot of editions of Street Fighter II , but let’s be reasonable here. It’s true that the most recent iteration is literally titled Super Street Fighter II Turbo: High Definition Remix , but we can probably blame everything about that game on David “Fake Fireball” Sirlin. Or maybe this refers to the grimdark future of animu/pulp novel series Vampire Hunter D , which takes place in around 12000 A.D. and has more street fights than a tourist in Mumbai who took his hand off his wallet for five seconds. Capcom, you have my permission to use this golden idea for a sequel to the beloved Street Fighter 2010 for the NES.
BioShock Infinite is Badly-Designed and Badly-Written Prolefeed
BioShock Infinite is being praised for its tight gameplay and brilliant story. I found it to be a poor man’s Dishonored and lacking in both combat and plot. I’ll address each separately.
The tools you are given are generic. The idea of having both guns and magic (sorry, Vigors ) in a first-person shooter might be enticing if you’ve never played American McGee’s Alice, Clive Barker’s Undying , or the first two BioShock games. Devil’s Kiss is just a fire grenade, Murder of Crows and Bucking Bronco are just stun grenades, Possession is a land mine, Undertow is a Jedi force push, etc. Not only are the spells uninspired, but the basic pistol you get near the start of the game will be enough to last you to its completion. There’s no need to use weapons and sorcery in unique combinations; you can just Rambo your way through with the occasional duck behind cover, Halo -like, as you regain your armor.
God Hand Sucks
Gamers are a superstitious and cowardly lot. They’re a group of greedy, needy, weak-willed cowards who demand entitlement and see a conspiracy around every corner. So when the well-respected gaming journalist website IGN refused to bow down to one of their sacred cows, they threw a fit the likes of which only gamers can make.
God Hand , a sniggering beat-em-up made in 2006 by Clover, the detritus of Capcom’s discarded and unwanted employees, is a frustrating exercise in tedium and attrition as you mash the continue button as frequently as you mash your punch button. It’s plagued with boring level layouts, copy-pasted hordes of enemies, hundreds of nearly-identical moves, dreary money-grinding to obtain those homogenous moves, and some of the most obnoxious MONKEY CHEESE RANDOM humor since Invader Zim .
A Review of the Indie Royale “Mighty Bundle”
Go to Indie Royale , get cool games for cheap. Let’s check them out.
Another game from the Indie Royale that refused to let me take a screenshot. I even tried using Puush , but I get nothing but a solid black screen. So I gave you an unrelated wacky pic instead.
This is a game where you control ball that runs along a waveform (the squiggly line that indicates that the music you’re listening to has been ruined by the loudness war). Well, actually, you don’t control the ball, you move the shape of the waveform that the ball travels down in order to pick up score orbs, jump through hoops, and avoid mines.
Waveform has many of the trappings of a rhythm game but it really isn’t one, it’s a simple on-rails action game. A decently entertaining but shallow one.