I know I have an excessively negative attitude. You can’t make it as an internet tough guy if you don’t. But my internet doctor said I should write more about things I genuinely enjoy, both for my health and so I don’t get mistaken for the Angry Video Game Nerd. So here are six more video game memes I actually like. Except I no longer care about chronological order.
Reggie Fils-Aime, big shot at Nintendo, uttered this clumsy sentence at E3 2007 before stepping onto a plastic Wii Fit board in preparation of flailing around. Fils-Aime put the skills he learned at Pizza Hut to good use while trying to convince us of the greatness of waggle controls. The humor in this meme comes from the awkward and vaguely sexual nature of the phrase and the fact that Wii Fit is a stupid game that doesn’t actually get anyone more fit. Buy an exercise bike, you nerds.
A similar Wii meme is animated gifs of the shameful Wii Music game. The disparity between the greatness of Shigeru Miyamoto and the low quality of the game—as if Leonardo Da Vinci produced a Jackson Pollock—makes for great image macros.
A comical misspelling of “tiers don’t exist”. Tiers are an inescapable fact of life when dealing with any game that differentiates between multiple playable characters. The creators will usually try to balance their game, but it’s never perfectly equal and it shouldn’t need to be. Sometimes this disparity between character’ usefulness is deliberate, sometimes accidental. But there’s a segment of every competitive game’s fanbase that is obsessed with tier lists.
It’s not enough to be good with a character they enjoy playing; relative character strength must be perfectly delineated like taxa in an entomologist’s butterfly catalog. Even more hilarious are those who insist that tiers don’t exist, that every character is equally useful in every situation. You can usually see these scrubs losing with Ryu in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 and complaining that everyone else is being cheap.
Note that this doesn’t include overpowered boss characters; everyone expects them to be way too strong for reasonable play.
Similarly to #5, this refers to the Super Smash Bros. series, which incorporates so many randomized gonzo elements that the games aren’t very good for even-handed competitions unless you go through the options and remove items, don’t use the wackier stages, and everyone uses the same character. This is funny because once you remove all of that fun stuff, you don’t have Super Smash Bros. anymore, you have a tepid and overly simplified fighting game instead of the chaotic merry-go-round that you should be playing. You’re missing out if you try to stuffily turn Super Smash Bros. into a tournament game. Enjoy the crazy crap instead, you’ll feel better about yourself and people won’t hate you.
The Red Ring of Death is the three red lights that appear on the power button of the Xbox 360 when it suffers from a hardware error that renders it unplayable. It has probably appeared on yours. The extremely commonplace nature of this error is a testament to Microsoft’s (sorry, I mean MiKKKro$oft) horrible attitude towards cutting corners (the early models of the Xbox 360 had horrible soldering) on console hardware and their complete lack of concern for their users. You had to jump through all sorts of hoops to get them to repair it for you, leading to much nerd consternation. Post-2010 models of the Xbox 360 are much more reliable, but the damage to Microsoft’s reputation had been done. They will forever be ridiculed for their hubris, and that is as it should be.
PC gamers consider themselves above the petty squabbles of the console warriors. They know that they are superior so they have no reason to argue about it. Their own “console” is the most powerful, versatile, has the biggest catalogue of games, and (to mitigate the most common complaint) is cheaper than ever. In a time where new consoles cost five hundred and ninety nine U.S. dollars, a personal computer for a comparable price offers the same things but better. Even Apple’s conspicuous consumption magnets now have some games available that aren’t Marathon.
However, this is heavily exaggerated self-aggrandization, as the PC gaming community has plenty of racist morons, whiny 10-year-olds, and sadistic griefers. But hey, at least you’re not paying a monthly fee for Xbox Live.
Also, this is the internet, so everyone implicitly understands the Hitlercations of talking about things like master races. However, internet nerds think it’s hilarious if you invoke Godwin’s Law and will probably laugh at you if you take their boastings seriously. They also like software piracy, which accounts for even more of the PC’s popularity.
1. Guile’s theme goes with everything
Guile is the super cool dude from Street Fighter II, the world’s greatest game. Every single track from that game is catchy and unforgettable, but Guile’s stuck around in a special way due to its Rocky-like confidence-building tempo. When this song is running through your ear drums, you feel like you can out-punch Prometheus and impregnate every womb within a five league radius with the power of your sweat. Yes, even if you’re a woman; Guile will make a man out of you more than Donny Osmond ever could.
So the internet decided it would be hilarious to combine Guile’s theme with videos of people succeeding at things. It doesn’t sound very interesting at first, but there are some brilliant juxtapositions to come out of this meme. The internet’s ingenuity pulls through again.