Two Total Failures With a Lot in Common — Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2

I thought about just using this pic as the whole review. It's more succinct.

I thought about just using this pic as the whole review. It’s more succinct.

Two Total Failures With a Lot in Common — Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2

This is a 2014 game in a long-running series many know and appreciate for its punishing but reasonable difficulty. The series has had its share of sequels, spinoffs, remakes, and re-releases. It began in Japan in the late 1980s and continues to churn out new iterations to this day due to its relative popularity. The newest entry in the series is a U.S.-made attempt to revive flagging sales. It is a terrible, dumbed-down, Americanized (in both gameplay and writing), grimdark, QTE-riddled, unenjoyable mess. Notice that this paragraph could apply to either of the games in the title of the article.

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Beat-Em-Up, Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Kusoge, Video Gaming

Ultra Rapid Fire — Riot, All is Forgiven

ultra_rapid_fire_hecarim Ultra Rapid Fire — Riot, All is Forgiven

I’ve been critical of Riot Games’ League of Legends and its infamously awful fanbase in the past. I keep asking for rad stuff that they don’t deliver—variably due to their incompetence, the implausibility of my demands, and the fact that the only people who read my website anymore are my mom and Brazilian spammers.

One of the requests I’ve made frequently is the addition of new maps and modes. I realize that these are generally difficult to create and most of the users are ungrateful for their addition. (Does anyone even play Dominion or Twisted Treeline anymore? Maybe if they brought back the old, better Twisted Treeline so CrumblingCenturion could make cool videos again.)

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League of Legends, Online Gaming, Video Gaming

50 Ridiculous Things People Googled to Find This Stupid Site

50 Ridiculous Things People Googled to Find This Stupid Site

And my overwrought responses. Oh hey, it’s time for another one of these articles. I could have sworn this was a video game site.

# of bones fantasica

This terrible game made a lot of "bones" alll right.

This terrible game made a lot of "bones" all right.

 

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Comedy, Not Video Gaming, Self-Indulgent Nonsense You Can Safely Ignore

Thoughts on League of Legends Season 4

I wrote something.

http://www.8bitgamer.com/article/editorials/thoughts-league-legends-season-4/

 

Commissioned, League of Legends, Online Gaming, Video Gaming

Cursed Balloons: Casual, But Not Bad

cursed_balloons Cursed Balloons : Casual, But Not Bad

Cursed Balloons is a free browser game in which the player shoots arrows at the rising helium globes at the right of the screen. The object is to hit every balloon of certain colors while avoiding others, and your ammunition is limited in every level. Games like this have quite a long history. The oldest I can think of off the top of my head is Bow and Arrow , a Windows 3.1 title. They have become even more common in recent years as the popularity of in-browser casual games increased. Cursed Balloons is more challenging and aesthetically pleasing than most.

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Commissioned, Video Gaming

Don’t Step On the White Shark — Not Worthy

don't_step_on_the_white_shark

Don’t Step On the White Shark — Not Worthy

Don’t Step On the White Shark is a casual game you can play in your browser. It presents the player with a corridor full of black and white tiles and requires the player to press 1-4 on the keyboard (or use a mouse for slower but more accurate control) to step only on the black tiles, as touching a white tile will result in a game over. There are three modes for slightly different play.

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Commissioned, Video Gaming

Slot and Dragons: Too Random, But Definitely Enjoyable

None of the provided screenshots really show what gameplay looks like. Have some cartoon tits, though!

None of the provided screenshots really show what gameplay looks like. Have some cartoon tits, though!

Slot and Dragons : Too Random, But Definitely Enjoyable

Slot and Dragons is a Puzzle Quest kinda deal. Objects appear in lines at random, and it’s your job to make something of them in order to fight your enemies. This game reminds me of Battle Slots , another fantasy-themed slot machine quasi-RPG thing made by a company from my home state.

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Android, Commissioned, Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Video Gaming

Galaxy Storm: It’s Just Galaxian

galaxy_storm Galaxy Storm : It’s Just Galaxian

Oh hey, it’s Galaxian . You know, the precursor to the more famous Galaga .

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Android, Commissioned, LEE YOU SOLD OUT I'M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN, Pay-to-Win, Shmups, Video Gaming

Orion’s Gold – Capable iPad Arcade Action

Guest article by Erik Harmon.

———-

orion's_gold_title_screen

Orion’s Gold – Capable iPad Arcade Action

Platform: IOS (iPad only)

Price: $0.99 USD

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/orions-gold/id810223575?ls=1&mt=8

In the interest of disclosure: this review was (minimally) compensated. I was supplied with a promo code so that I could review this game. I assure you I did not sell myself out for 99 cents of swag. Now, on to the review.

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Commissioned, Erik Harmon, Guest Article, Indie Games That Don't Suck, Video Gaming

Birdy Tap: Flappy Bird is Trash; Get Over It

birdy_tap

A familiar apparition…

Birdy Tap : Flappy Bird is Trash; Get Over It

Yes, I’m reviewing another one of these.

Why does Birdy Tap exist? The recent trend of Flappy Bird imitations is irritating but understandable. I know what it’s like to do something solely for money (see this article). The author even admits that Birdy Tap is an attempt to fill the gap left by people’s lust for that endlessly popular corridor runner game.

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Android, Commissioned, Video Gaming